Most if not all of us have experienced toxic relationships in one way or another. A lot of us blame it on the other party. We believe that they're the ones that have caused this relationship to deteriorate. However, this post is not entirely about toxic relationships. It's about overcoming fears and insecurities that will crumble one. I will share with you a case study/story that I had first hand experience in. This incident had a huge impact on my life and shrouded a phase of it in shadows. It took me quite some times (2 years) to accept things that has happened, and truly believe that this experience was crucial for my self-improvement. It has taught me to respect myself, fight for my rights, and face my fears.
I had a nightmare a few months ago. I am now homeschooled (high school), but before that, I was in a regular middle school. There was this girl, who shared the same elementary and middle school as me. Let's give her a fake name--Ann, a petite girl, barely 5". Part of the reason I hated middle school was because of Ann. I was timid back then, and so I had a tiny circle of friends. She happened to be in that circle, and I seriously did not know how I could free myself from her. I dreaded school and having to see her. I hated her bossing me around, taking my stuff and never returning them, drawing on my belongings, suppressing my voice ... I was blaming her for my misery for years, until this dream happened:
Ann and I were in a department store and suddenly she tried to snatch my keys. (This really happened in middle school) I needed my keys to go home, so I told her, "No, you can't have it." She still tried to grab my keys. I had to avoid her so I ran off. (I am a coward.) She literally tracked me down and we had a violent tag game in the store. I forgot how, but she tackled me onto the floor and we were wrestling like crazy. I was the one defending my keys, and she was the one trying to seize them. And man, she headbutted me, and it hurts even in my sleep! I was still clutching unto my keys.
Finally, I got so fed-up, I said, "Ann. Stop. Stop this. I need my keys to go home."
"I don't care." (This was literally what she said in middle school.)
"Okay. So if I give it to you, will you return it when I need it?" (Pathetic.)
And so I got up and ran (I can't stop running away). Ann screamed like a maniac, like a spoilt princess who couldn't get what she wanted. It was a dream, and I don't even see her anymore, but her figure was so vivid and her character so spot on that I was still scared shitless.
And then, I woke up. It was one of the worst dreams ever. One simply could not understand the intensity of my fear of this mere little human. Despite it being a nightmare, I was grateful it happened. I am not one to believe dream interpretations unless a dream recurs endlessly, but this dream in particular gave me a chance to realize my problems:
Even after my shitty experience with friendships and relationships in school, I still feel grateful it has happened. It took me 2 years to recognize and accept my weaknesses and move on completely. If I have never met Ann, I wouldn't be able to share this story with you, and I wouldn't have learned to conquer my fears and navigate through inevitable toxic relationships without wavering. Only you can change what's happening to you because once you change your mindset and behavior, the whole world changes for you.
I'm done with my slavery days. I don't want to be bound by my own fears anymore. It sucks to be treated like shit.
Pick your route. There is a reason why people who face similar situations have so distinct outcomes. Some people choose to dwell in blame and sympathy from others, while other people choose to learn from their lessons and improve themselves. Do you want to blame it on the other person like how I did and hate all of humanity and distrust friends and become an anti-social freak? Or do you want to dismiss the past and grow yourself and make new and better friends (like how I'm doing now)?
Hope you enjoyed reading! Share your own insecurities and friendship problems with us in the comment section! Are you facing social problems right now? Did you conquer you fears? Vulnerability is the key to connections. So! Share!
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